Anxiety
noun a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Wow. I never realized how bad my anxiety could get until I came on this trip. Not being able to sleep, constantly jumping with every new noise I hear, not wanting to walk anywhere unless I'm on the phone to someone. This trip has really made me realize how much it affects me. I keep trying to do all the things I want to do whilst I'm here but somedays my anxiety is so bad that I can't even leave the apartment. I find myself shaking uncontrollably, my heart rate increasing suddenly, feeling incredibly sick and nauseous, I find myself find it hard to breath and freaking myself out - I have never experienced my anxiety this bad before but I just have to keep telling myself it's okay. I'll be okay. Because I will be.
It takes me a while to get used to staying at new places, I deal with it back home as well - for example starting a new job, going out and meeting people there instead of travelling together and staying at peoples houses. I call it the new place anxiety, if it's a new place that I've never stayed at before then I get anxious, it's become a common thing with me that I just learn to accept, I accept that I will go through this anxious phase at new places. I never realized how much my anxiety controlled me until now.
So, dealing with Anxiety. Sadly something I am still trying to learn, but this trip has really opened my eyes and made me realize that I can't do this alone, I need to ask for help. So, I made the decision to finally see a therapist for the things I'm struggling with and hopefully I'll be able to manage it all better. For now the things that seem to sometimes help me are:
- Talking with family of friends over the phone (or in person if they are there)
- Distracting myself from what I'm feeling anxious about by doing knitting, coloring, writing
- Putting my hands in something cold - under the tap with cold water or in the freezer for a few moments
- Listening to music and just focusing on that in a mediation/grounding type of way
I know this will be a journey to getting my anxiety under control but I want to share my journey and helps others because not everyone is able to seek help, not everyone can attend therapy - therapy is expensive, which honestly confuses me - why is something that can help with mental health cost so much??
Stay tuned for more on mental health, my career and my journey.
Love you all
- T xx
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